Dear Minister of Enjoyment,
Re: Do the Math
Hey, you.
Word has reached us that you’re ruling the night like a legend, with your wallet swinging open wider than a matatu door. Your sherehe vibes are untouchable, but your cash vanishes faster than a conductor’s “change iko.” Let’s do the math, splash some glitter on this hustle, and turn your party vibes into a prosperity anthem. You’re the Mhesh of your own treasury, so why not make it sing?
We heard that you storm the club with KSh 4,000 deep in your VIP crusade. Sparklers pop, Gengetone rattles your ribs, as you yell “one more!”. That’s KSh 48,000 a year, Mhesh. What if you dialed it back just a touch? Pocket KSh 4,000 monthly, slide it into a life insurance investment plan like Twinsave with a minimum guaranteed return rate of 4% and in five years you’re cashing out roughly KSh 260,000 for a tuk-tuk gig or a shamba to flex on. Host a nyama choma balcony bash instead with KSh 1,000 for meat and a playlist, and you’re still the king of “enjoyment” with coins to stack.
Then there is that ka-habit of yours of the roadside weekly smochas, fries, mutura and smokies with choma sauce dripping that eats up 1,500 bob! That’s KSh 78,000 yearly, while 47% of us (yeah, you too) stress over cash. Flip that vibe with KSh 3,000 monthly into an investment, and it could grow to KSh 600,000 in a decade. Grill your own mutura for KSh 500, call your crew over, and let the vibes sizzle at home. You keep the flavor, and your future gets a buffet.
Oh, almost forgot. You see how after the club, you summon late-night taxis because “boda’s too cold”? Tut- tut – tut, una-bunt!. KSh 3,000 monthly is what you pay for your excuse. That’s KSh 36,000 yearly while individual savings nationwide dip to 68.1%. Imagine KSh 2,000 monthly in a money market fund, topping the 10.75% Central Bank Rate, turning into KSh 300,000 down the road. Split an Uber with your squad for KSh 1,000 a night, laugh at the driver’s Kamba jams, and stash the rest. You’re still rolling, and your wallet’s riding high.
Then there’s your bar blitz with KSh 5,000 monthly on rounds as you shout “kunywa pombe ikuzoee!”. That’s KSh 60,000 yearly while 89% of us (you included) skip saving towards our retirment. Redirect KSh 3,000 monthly to a savings plan, and you’re sitting on KSh 500,000 in seven years. BYOB to the rave with KSh 1,500 for a bottle, sip it slow, and strut. Your sherehe stays popping, and your old age won’t beg for a harambee.
Here’s your encore, Our GDP’s vibing at 5.2%, but 90.5% of us ditch saving because “life’s a hustle.” You’re hustling KSh 5,000 on bar rounds, yet 73% of retirees limp on less than KSh 10,000 monthly. You don’t have to fade out. Tweak one night, grill some mutura, skip an Uber, and you’re not just enjoying but building an empire.
Step up, #DoTheMath. Your money’s ready to dance with you!
Your Ever-present Money referee
Geminia Life
